


Somewhere That's Green

by Superfast_Jellybitch



Category: Animaniacs, Pinky and the Brain
Genre: Domestic Fluff, Established Relationship, Found Family, M/M, Mediocre Parenting, Other, Slice of Life
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-12-29
Updated: 2021-01-19
Packaged: 2021-03-11 02:33:29
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 14,635
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28237758
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Superfast_Jellybitch/pseuds/Superfast_Jellybitch
Summary: The Brain was moving to the suburbs on a permanent basis for the appeal of his own garage laboratory, and no other reason. The fact that it made Pinky so happy was only a side effect. The kids? A necessary compromise.Or, at least, that's what he'd continue to tell himself.
Relationships: Brain/Pinky (Pinky and the Brain)
Comments: 48
Kudos: 147





	1. Plan of Escape

How long had it been since he'd seen a lab? It certainly did seem like a lifetime at this point. No test tubes, no wires, no restricted chemical compounds, he was stuck with nothing but doll dresses and infuriatingly analog household technology. Oh yes, and that horrid little girl. How he'd love to give her inattentive and irresponsible parents a stern talking to. More than anything, however, he longed for a simpler time, when his failures seemed less monumental.

"What's wrong, Brain?"

Pinky had rolled over on their tiny plastic doll mattress, whispering directly into his ear in that way he does when he's trying to soothe. It's astonishing, really, with how addled the circuitry in Pinky's brain is, that he can always tell the exact moment Brain's mood shifted towards melancholy. It was like a seismograph sensing minute changes in tectonic activity.

"It's nothing, Pinky. Go back to sleep." He said dismissively, rolling over onto his side.

"Oh, come now." Pinky addressed the back of his head. "What's goin' on in that big silly noggin of yours, hmm?"

The Brain's ears twitched at the sound, involuntarily swiveling back to catch the soft tone of his voice. He knows there's little sense in dragging his feet. Pinky would get the truth out of him sooner or later, so compliance would be the best choice.

"Pinky, I... Well, to put it quite plainly, I'm tired."

"Oh, well pardon me. I'll let you go back to bed then."

" _No,_ Pinky. Not like that." He groaned. "I'm _weary._ I...I miss our lab. I miss our cage. I miss the monatany. I miss the _normalcy_."

"I know what you mean, Brain. That exercise wheel sure was nice, poit." Pinky sighed. "But the suburbs ain't all bad. There's lots of yummy food here, and silly-willy fun to be had! Like turning Mr. Pussy Wussy into a dog, or that time we met that spaceman?"

"This isn't _sustainable_ , Pinky! Surely you know that? Never mind taking over the world at this point, that brutish little girl is going to slip up and kill us one of these days."

"Aw, Elmyra isn't so bad, Brain. She's just...spirited is all." Behind his defense, Pinky's voice is just as tired. "But you're right. We can't very well go on living like this, now can we?"

A silence stretches between them, the mutual acknowledgement of the helplessness of their little lives never needed to be put to words. Not at ACME, not in the streets, and not in the master suite of the Darling Debbie Daydream Home in Elmyra's bedroom. It was something that they knew, and they would never speak aloud because it was much too much to bear. Pinky curled around him, and Brain allowed himself to be held. Who was comforting who, he simply couldn't say.

"You know what I want, Brain? More than the world, even?" Pinky prompts wistfully.

"I'm going to regret asking, but what?"

"I wanna stay here- not _here_ here, of course, but in a nice little neighborhood like this. In a lovely little house of our own. Just like Lucy and Desi."

"Oh, yes. Your little 'happy family' fantasy. We tried that, remember? It didn't last very long. Additionally, I'm certain that the exposure to garbage television and microwave meals were deteriorating my brain." The Brain said, nose wrinkled.

"Yes, and that was all fun and good- Narf! But it was just a game. I want the real thing, next time. A big ol house, with a pretty garden, with lots of flowers, and all new appliances in the kitchen, and- oh! Brain, you could have a home laboratory in the garage! Wouldn't that be fancy?"

"A home laboratory, you say?" He mumbled, fighting off the drowsy feeling that was beginning to fog his mind. "That would be a drastic improvement."

"Oh yes! With lots of test tubes and burners and good science-y things you can use to take over the world." Pinky sighed against the top of his head. "Come to think of it, it'd be like we had our own little piece of the world, now wouldn't it?"

"Mm yes." Brain yawned, not particularly following anymore, allowing Pinky's droning to lull him. "That's nice, Pinky."

"And I can finally use those recipes I've been saving. I can just see myself watching our children play in the yard while I pop a tin of gelatin into the fridge for dinner."

"Pinky, serving a child one of those gelatin concoctions would be abuse." Brain groaned. "And Roman Numeral One is a bit old for that."

"You're such an old stick in the mud." Pinky sighed, his own words becoming muddled with sleepiness. "But I love you anyway."

Love confessions were rare between them, but not unwelcome. The Brain had always regarded it as something so blatantly obvious that it didn't bear addressing, but Pinky let it slip every now and again. He never responded verbally, but in close quarters such as these, he'd indulge his compatriot with a slight squeeze of the hand.

"And you are an addle-brained simpleton, lost in fantasy and devoid of reason." Brain said affectionately. "And I tolerate you. Goodnight, Pinky."

"Nighty-Night, Brain."

\-----------------------

The Brain tinkered away in the corner while Pinky and the Oaf enjoyed their television reruns. A little peace around here was so rare, he wanted to make the most of every second. As he worked, his mind wandered off to the little fantasies Pinky had shared with him under the cover of night. Of course, most of it was just wistful poppycock- a dream world, developed by tv producers, designed to make one feel sentimental. Completely unrealistic. But the prospect of his own lab....that was enticing. It was.....it could be...attainable?

They could buy a house together, provided they had a way to acquire the finances. He's successfully passed for a human on multiple occasions, and even if he hadn't, surely there were real estate agents desperate enough to sell to a pair of genetically altered lab mice. And they could finally be rid of Elmyra and her horrid games of 'air mice', and he'd be free to focus his attention on world domination without having to keep an ear cocked for the sound of thunderous footsteps. Goodness, even he was swooning at the thought now.

Unfortunately, a minute's diversion of his attention was all it took for one to be ambushed in this suburban wasteland. A chubby, sticky hand wrapped around his body, yanking him away from his project. The Brain let out an undignified squeak of surprise, scrambling helplessly in the air before resigning himself to his fate, however horrid it may be.

"Whatcha doin', Brainy Big Head?" Elmyra asked, head cocked to one side, her grip loosening just enough so he can breathe.

"I am attempting to create a device that will use subliminal messages to manipulate humanity into subjugating themselves to me." He explained through gritted teeth.

She stared at him with vacant eyes, trying to make sense of the words he'd thrown at her. Curse his inability to take into consideration the fact that he was surrounded by utter ignoramuses before he spoke. With a sigh, he dumbed down his speech.

"I am making a funny machine that makes people like me so I can rule the world."

"A machine that makes people like you?" Her eyes lit up with hope. A poor choice of words on his part. "CAN I TRY?!"

Her grip tightened around him as she pleaded, making his eyes bulge and his ribs creak. He dug his claws into her fingers, trying desperately to get her to release her grip.

"Can't. Not...ready yet." He choked.

"Oh phooey." Her hand relaxed in disappointment, allowing him to suck in breaths of air. "I thought I was gonna have some friends..."

For a moment, he feels a twinge of pity for the child. He understood why her peers would give her a wide berth- she was a dull, blundering, beastly child after all- but even so, it must be a terribly lonely existence to lead. To have one's only friends be mute prisoners who cannot voice their true discontent. Only for a moment, though, as before he could dwell on that thought any longer, he was whisked away.

"Oh well! Guess you'll have to play dolly dress-up with silly big-nosed Pinky and me!!! We're doing ball gowns today!"

"Oh goody." Brain groaned, putting his face in his hands.

As he sat in a stuffy pink ball of tulle watching Pinky twirl around in an even fluffier yellow number, he pondered his position. This really was an unsustainable way of life. He couldn't continue to work like this, and it was only a matter of time before Elmyra's excitement killed them both. Truthfully, it was amazing that they'd survived so many games of 'cartoon mice'. No, the world would have to wait. Refuge was now his top priority. Somewhere nice and mundane, with a manicured lawn, and a very nice garage. A base from which they could conquer the world!

\-------------------------

Well, it hadn't been easy, but The Brain had worked out a plan he was sure would work. When they'd briefly hypnotized that agent of the Circle, they'd learned every intention of that operation- to use his intelligence in their own plot for world domination, then dispose of himself and Pinky once they were no longer of use. It was very valuable information indeed, and since the Circle had not yet found them in this taffy colored hellhole, that meant the ball was in his court and he could theoretically strike a deal.

Dealing with an organization such as the Circle was a dangerous game, that much he knew. Especially since he was unaware of how wide their reach was, or how many persons might be involved. If he didn't play his cards right, he could very well be walking right into their hands. But on the other hand, if he _did_ play his cards right, he'd be like every other American Mouse trying to have it all- House, home laboratory, career, and of course, the world. The hardest part was keeping it a secret from Pinky.

This was too delicate an operation to risk implicating Pinky. He was too simple, and too innocent, and too kind. He'd be sure to throw the whole thing, somehow. Besides, he had to admit to the more personal motivation of wanting to see the look on his companion's face when he made all of his dreams come true. It was silly, and sentimental, but he could excuse a little sentimentality every once in a while. On special occasions.

"'You've received my terms, I'll be awaiting your correspondence. I do hope we can come to an agreement. Sincerely, The Brain.'" He read his closing statement aloud again, just to be sure it was perfect.

"Golly, Brain, that sounds serious- troz! Is this part of tonight's plan?"

Pinky's voice startled him out of his thoughts, and he hits the send button with his foot. Perhaps just a tad too quickly to appear innocent, but if Pinky cought onto his nerves, he didn't let on. He turns to face him, expression neutral.

"Yes, Pinky. I am experimenting with chain emails again."

"Oh, we didn't get very far with that one last time, Brain." Pinky said, ears lowered as he tried to let him down easy.

"Yes, well, it's low energy. And I've changed the composition of the letter slightly, so perhaps we'll see better results."

"Oh, well, when you put it like that- narf!" Pinky's ears perked back up immediately, a smile returning to his face. "Soooo... Don't suppose you're doing anything else for the night then, hmm?"

There was a flirtatious tone in his voice that made The Brain's pelt tingle with anticipation. Well, his work was done, why shouldn't he allow himself to partake in recreational activity?

"No, I don't suppose I am. Shall we sneak down to the kitchen for a late dinner?" He tried to emulate the tone of voice, but tone had never been his forte. In fact, he'd often been told he only had one.

"Oh Brain~" Pinky swooned. "I'd be _delighted~_ Poit!"

The Brain breathed a quiet sigh of relief. Crisis averted. And furthermore, snacks gained. Not a bad day's work, if he did say so himself. And he _did_ say so himself. A wave of pride and confidence overtook him and he grasped Pinky's hand firmly in his own, scurrying off towards the kitchen.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah, I liked Pinky, Elmyra, and the Brain. Sue me XD.


	2. A Picture out of Better Homes and Gardens

Everything was falling into place. The Circle had agreed to his terms, and were eager to move forward with their arrangement, Elmyra was at school with Mr. Shell-Butt Turtlehead smuggled into her bookbag, and the real estate agent was on the way. He couldn't help the slight skip in his step as he scurried out of the windowsill and across the room to where Pinky was sat, gleefully pulling all the tape out of a cassette.

"Pinky!" He shouted excitedly, ears dialed in to the sound of tires on gravel outside, before remembering to compose himself. He cleared his throat before continuing. "Pinky, I have a surprise for you."

Pinky, who had just been rolling in reels of delicate, translucent tape, sat bolt upright, looking down at Brain like it was Christmas morning and he was Saint Nicholas himself.

"Egad, Brain! What is it?! Is it cheese? I do so love cheese! Narf!" He bounced on his toes, the tape around him rustling as he did so. "Or maybe it's Macho Man Randy Savage? Oh, no, he would've made a bigger entrance, like in those beef jerky commercials."

"No, you idiot." Brain sighed, excitement bleeding away to frustration. "It's a _surprise_. The point of a surprise is that you don't know what it is."

A knock at the side window- As per his personal instructions- drew their attention, and Brain scrambled to help untangle Pinky, who kept tripping over tape as he tried to go answer it. Imbecile. Finally free, he let Pinky run to the window, thrusting it open just enough that their tiny bodies would be able to fit through. A smug smile on his face, he waited patiently for his companion's reaction.

"YOU GOT ME A GIANT CHICKEN?!" Pinky gasped, bouncing on his toes once again. "Oh, Brain, how _did_ you know?"

"What?" Brain asked, brow furrowed as he pulled himself up onto the window ledge. "No, Pinky. That is Gordon LeBoo. He's Real Estate Agent."

Granted, Mr. LeBoo was most definitely a giant chicken. But he was a well-dressed chicken, who had been sitting on a few properties for a while and was desperate to make a sale. Besides how could he judge when he was a genetically altered lab mouse looking to buy his first home with ill gotten gains from a secret society that aimed to kill him.

"Oh. Sorry about that then." Pinky shrugged, turning to the poorly disguised poultry. "Do you make much on commission?"

"He does fine for himself." Brain interrupted in a short tone of voice. "Mr. LeBoo is here to show us to our new h- er, your surprise."

"Oh, goody-goody!" Pinky clapped. "It must be something really special if you've gone through all this trouble. Like a big ol bag of marshmallows, narf!!"

"Yes, Pinky." Brain said sarcastically. "I needed to hire a Real Estate Agent to gift you a bag of marshmallows."

"Well don't _tell_ me, Brain. That'll ruin the surprise."

"Pinky, shut up and follow the chicken."

"Righto, Brain."

Gordon LeBoo was a surprisingly good driver, especially considering the fact that he did not have forward facing eyes like a normal, human Real Estate Agent. Certainly better than he and Pinky had ever been, but then again, it was probably easier to drive with one entity controlling both the pedals and the steering wheel. The neighborhood was only a few minutes away from their current base of operations, and yet, Pinky was glued to the window the entire time, watching the world roll by with his nose smooshed against the glass. At last, they pulled into the driveway of the property he and LeBoo had so carefully chosen.

It was a standard clapboard cookie cutter suburban home, built in 1963. The front yard was small, but he knew from his last visit that the back yard more than made up for it. The appliances weren't all new like Pinky had wanted- in fact, the kitchen was still done in the ever popular avocado green of the 1970s- but it was spacious enough to entertain without being so spacious that they couldn't open the cabinets. Indeed, most of the house seemed to be a time capsule of interior design from the 70s. The real draw, however, had been the fully converted garage (initially billed as a craft room) that The Brain was already mentally moving his junior science kit into. As they stepped out of the car, he wrung his hands nervously, gauging Pinky's reaction carefully. He looked up at their real estate agent, who had been trying to sell this property for 8 months to no avail, and also appeared to be sweating a bit at the collar. Could chickens sweat? He'd have to look that up. Pinky ran a hand up the frame of the porch, inspecting it.

"Well this is a lovely little house. Who lives here, Brain?" He asked naively, hopping onto the porch step.

"Well, Pinky, the idea is that _we_ would live here."

Pinky looked from the front door back to Brain, the realization slowly working its way through the gummed up mechanics of his brain. Then, it all clicked into place, and his ears drooped, nose wrinkling as his eyes filled with tears. Wait, no, that wasn't right at all. He'd done it wrong. He'd messed up and now Pinky was sad and he'd never get that home laboratory, and he was indebted to the Circle and- 

Pinky scooped him off of the ground, pulling him into a very tight embrace and rocking him ever so slightly as his tears left soppy wet spots atop The Brain's head. Behind him, he heard Mr. LeBoo let out a soft cluck of relief, wiping the sweat Brain still wasn't certain he had from his brow. He hadn't screwed it up, then. Thank goodness for that.

"Oh, _Brain_! This is the nicest- *sniff*- most loveliest-wonderful gift I've ever haaaaaad." He blubbered, taking deep, heaving breaths in a vain effort to calm himself. "I don't know what to say! I-It's everything I always wanted!"

"Alright, Pinky, that's enough." Brain said, wiggling his way out of Pinky's arms. "Don't get over-excited. It's still a bit of a fixer-upper. In fact, that and some complaints of destructive teenagers in the neighborhood were the only reasons I could afford it."

"That's fine. It's perfect anyway." Pinky wiped the tears from his eyes.

"You can't say that yet, we haven't even gotten past the front door!"

"Of course I can. It's _our_ home, and that makes it perfect." He said in a loving tone, placing a hand on Brain's shoulder.

The Brain felt very warm, and very satisfied with himself. Yes, he'd done a good thing here. Pinky was happy, and he would get his very own lab, and they'd no longer have to hide from the Circle in Elmyra's bedroom... because he was working for them.

"Buck-bok?" LeBoo asked, lowering his head to their level.

"Yes, I do believe we are going to put an offer in. Thank you for your help, Mr. LeBoo."

\------------------------

Well, it was settled. The paperwork was complete, and they'd be moved in by the end of the week, and it had all been startlingly easy. Furthermore, Pinky had been too busy going through booklets of wallpaper and home design magazines to even question the fact that The Brain hadn't come up with a plan for world domination in days.

"Brain, what do you think of this wallpaper in our bedroom?" Pinky asked, stuffing doll clothes into a suitcase while he used his tail to indicate his selection in the catalog. "I think it'll look so pretty, poit! But, it's your bedroom too."

He spared it a glance, fully expecting something hideous that may even be worse than the orange honeycomb pattern that currently adorned the walls of the master suite. To his surprise, it was nice- a much more subtle color, with little embossed stars.

"It's nice." He said flatly, turning back to his moving checklist. "Do you suppose that a secondhand centrifuge would be easy to come by?"

"Gee, Brain. I can't rightly say." Pinky responded. "Say, when are we going to tell Elmyra we're moving out?"

"I wasn't planning on telling her at all. It would be much less hazardous to our health for us to simply leave while she's at school."

Brain heard the suitcase slam shut behind him, and he flinched involuntarily. He was never much a fan of sudden, loud noises. Even less so after cohabitating with the human wrecking ball. He looked up from his checklist to find Pinky glaring harshly in his direction.

"I can't _believe_ you would even _think_ of doing something so horrible!" He scolded.

"Why not? We snuck in here, we might as well sneak back out."

"'Why not'?! _'Why not'?!_ Because we can't just ABANDON a little girl, Brain!" Pinky shouted. It was so rare that he got angry with him, that it always caught the Brain off guard. "We are her only friends in the whole wide world- narf! A-and you just want to leave her all by herself with no explanation?!"

Drat. He hated it when Pinky was right. The thought of Elmyra popping all his joints as she squeezed him and cried for him not to go was horrific, but the thought of her skipping eagerly to her room to play with her 'fuzzyheads' only to find herself all alone again was... heart wrenching. He was growing soft.

"Very well, Pinky. I suppose we could risk life and limb to give the Oaf a proper farewell." He groaned.

"Well _thank you_ for your permission to not traumatize a lonely little girl- poit!" Pinky snapped, nose raised haughtily in the air.

Oh my. Sarcasm? From Pinky? He really was a bad influence on that mouse. Still, his mind drifted from Pinky's cross attitude to a conversation that he'd had last week.

_"A machine that makes people like you?! CAN I TRY?!!"_

The Brain looked towards the abandoned prototype in the corner of the room. Of course, he'd need to make a few alterations, replace the cassette tape that Pinky had torn apart, find new batteries, but this could work. He could do one kindness for Attila the 4th Grader.

\-------------------------

"I CAN'T BELIEVE MY FUZZY LITTLE MOUSIE-WOUSIES ARE LEAVING ME!!" Elmyra bawled from her knees on the carpet.

The scene was made slightly less serious by the shiny gold party hat on her head. Pinky had insisted that a going-away party would be the best way to do this, and the Brain had trusted him. He was the one who had bonded with the brat after all, it stood to reason that he'd know best in this situation. Presently, he was gently stroking her shoulder while she sobbed dramatically.

"Oh, it'll be okay, Elmyra!" He soothed. "Life can't always be dolly dress-up, and talking about boys, and filling your mouth with cheese whiz directly from the can- troz. Sometimes it's gonna be sad. Sometimes we have to say goodbye."

"B-but what am I gonna do when you're gone?!" She hiccupped, wiping her tears with the back of her hand. "I'm gonna be all alone again..."

He could tell from the way Pinky's ears drooped down that he didn't have any way to dispute that. Well, he supposed that would be his cue.

"Not necessarily." He interrupted. "I have a small parting gift for you."

With a flourish, he produced the subliminal messaging device and extended it towards her. Elmyra regarded it with wide eyes, no doubt recalling their brief conversation.

"Is that...?"

"Yes, Elmyra. It's the magic machine that makes people like you. I made a few minor adjustments, so now not only can you have a turn, you'll be the only one able to use it." Brain declared proudly. "Make sure all your classmates listen to this little tape, and you'll have so many friends, you won't even remember Pinky and I."

Elmyra grabs the device from him and sets it carefully to the side, before gathering him up in her arms and hugging him tightly. Too tightly. Oh how he hoped that she'd become more aware of her herculean strength as she grew older.

"I could _never_ forget you, Brainy Big Head! Never ever never ever _never!_ " Elmyra declared, beginning to cry again. She scooped Pinky up as well, squishing them against one another. "Or you, Silly Big Nose Pinky! You've both been so good to me! I love you mousies so much!"

"Nor I, you, Elmyra." He squeaked breathlessly. "As much as I may try."

Pinky looked upon him with pride and affection, and as much as it was currently paining him, Brain knew he'd done something very good. He was on a roll in the morality department lately. Karma better pay out in the end.

\-------------------------

They stood side by side on the front porch of their new home. Pinky had been talking extensively about putting up a porch swing right there. Something about it not being a real porch without one. The most important home improvement they'd made, however, was a smaller door within their front door, complete with a knob they could both reach.

"Well, here we are. Home sweet home." The Brain said awkwardly, reaching for the doorknob.

"Oh, Brain?" Pinky piped up from behind him.

"What is it, Pinky?"

"The husband is supposed to carry the wife across the threshold of a new house. It's tradition- narf!"

Pinky fluttered his eyelashes at him, and Brain suddenly felt very flustered. He averted his gaze, trying to remain as poised as usual.

"You and I are not husband and wife. We are two genetically altered lab mice who have just purchased a home together, therefore it would be fully appropriate for us to enter the domicile as individuals." Brain said matter-of-factly.

"Oh _please_ Brain?" Pinky pleaded, blue eyes wide. "It's tradition- troz! You simply _must_ carry me across!"

"Pinky, it's impractical and foolish. Besides, I'd be unable to see, and twice as likely to drop you."

Having put his foot down, he turned back to the door, twisted the knob, and flung it open. Before he could step through the frame, however, the ground beneath his feet suddenly vanished. Pinky looked down into his eyes, cradling him like a child, and the hot, flustered feelings returned full force.

"Well, I'll just be the husband this time, and you can be the wife, silly willy."

He didn't have anything to say, all logic and biting remarks leaving his mind, replaced by the beating of his own heart in his ears. He hated how easy it was for Pinky to render him dumb with emotion. Beaming with pride and determination, the larger mouse carried him through the door.

"Welcome home, Brain." He said lovingly, nuzzling their noses together.

Taking a rare opportunity to be daring and forward, Brain gripped the sides of his compatriot's face and kissed him deeply. He didn't indulge this side of himself very often, and thusly, every time he did, it felt foreign and nerve wracking. Pinky never seemed nervous though. Only surprised, and happy. Sometimes he wished he could be so free. When he pulled away he hoped that his eyes could say all the things his mouth could not.

"It's good to be home, Pinky."


	3. The Art of Persuasion

After they'd unpacked their meager worldly possessions, and Elmyra was no longer around to distract him, Pinky had finally asked him the question he'd been dreading.

"Gee Brain, it's been a while since we've tried to take over the world, hasn't it?" He asked absentmindedly, scrolling through eBay listings for antique glassware. "Ya haven't given up on that, have you?"

"No, I haven't." Brain said, using all his body weight to shove a box equipment towards the garage door. "I've just been.... preoccupied is all. What, with setting up my new lab, and unpacking, and preparing to start the new job."

"Oh yeah. I suppose we have been pretty busy- narf!" Pinky nodded. "Let me know when we get back to it, won't you? Don't wanna miss out on any of the fun."

"Of course. I can't take over the world without my right hand mouse. Who would throw the switch?"

"Oh, good point."

He can tell from his tone of voice that Pinky has checked out of their conversation, and he thanked his lucky stars for his companion's short attention span. Sure enough, Pinky had abandoned his hunt for carnival glass in favor of whatever program was on the tiny, black and white television set installed under the kitchen cabinetry.

"Wouldja look at that. Those kids have made it on the news again, Brain."

"The ones who drove that director off set?"

"The very same, poit."

"Hooligans." Brain rolled his eyes, finally succeeding in getting the box past the door frame. "I'm surprised that their parents don't have anything to say about their unruly behavior."

"They don't have parents. According to this, they're property of the studio. Poor dears."

Oh no. He knew that tone of voice. Without looking, Brain could already tell that Pinky was getting all misty eyed over those feral children.

"If only they had a home and a pair of loving parents to help guide them- troz." He continued wistfully.

"No, Pinky." Brain said firmly, slamming the garage door.

He was having a hard enough time juggling every aspect of this plan _without_ throwing children into the mix, let alone children with a known history of chaotic destruction. He might as well hire on twenty more Pinkies and Elmyra for good measure.

"Why not?" Pinky whined. "They need a family, we've got the space, and we're _great_ parents! Just look at Romy!"

"Roman Numeral One's upbringing was drastically affected by his enhanced aging process. It's very hard to mess up a childhood that lasts hours." And yet, somehow, he'd still managed to do so. "Besides, why would we take in 3 stray children who are _ten times_ our size? What could _we_ possibly provide them with?"

"A home, Brain. A family. Love."

Ah yes. The essentials. He supposed Pinky had a point, there. Still, he wasn't thinking it through! He had the nesting instincts of a hen, and if Brain allowed him to, Pinky would have every stray child in the county calling them 'mommy' and 'daddy'. At least these kids were actually without parents this time. But one child who was only a child for a short while had been a challenge, how could they possibly handle 3 that didn't seem to age at all? It was positively out of the question. Especially with the risks he was taking with his current 'career'.

"No, Pinky. And that's all I have to say on the matter, so kindly drop it."

"Oh.... alright then, narf." Pinky sighed sadly. "Guess I'll go back to looking for new shinies for our cabinets..."

Brain almost commented on the frivolity of purchasing glassware sized for humans, but decided he'd disappointed the poor mouse enough for one day. Feeling exceptionally guilty, he slunk into the garage to unpack the box of laboratory equipment, giving Pinky a bit of space. He really couldn't stand seeing him sad, after all.

\-------------------------

The time to begin fulfilling his end of the bargain came far sooner than The Brain would have liked, and he found himself headed off to 'work' without a clue as to how he was going to weasel out of this mess. Pinky had kissed the top of his head, handed him a little paper lunch sack that he would later discover was full of free sauce packets from various fast food restaurants, and waved him off when the big black SUV carried him away, blissfully unaware of the danger Brain was putting them in. Freedom had come at so high a cost.

He supposed he could stall until he came up with a way to disband the predatory organization hellbent on stealing the ideas of other megalomaniacs. His history of brutal, bitter failure was finally an asset to him in this regard. Surely knowing his penchant for falling flat on his face, the Circle would disregard a few unsuccessful endeavors. Yes, until he knew for sure he could dismantle the Circle, The Brain would lay low and play innocent. He'd have to think fast, though. There was no telling how long they would believe his errors were purely accidental, and getting caught meant...

Well, he wasn't going to get caught, so it didn't matter.

The man in the suit who had picked him up seemed to be his chaparone for the day, leading him down an unremarkable hallway, opening an equally plain door, and ushering him through. Brain heard the door close behind him, locking from the outside. Oh joy.

He took a moment to look at his surroundings. Cheap, classroom style carpet, florescent lighting, large whiteboard, bookshelves full of literature, and a basic science kit. Not too shabby. He'd definitely done more with less, which unfortunately wasn't going to help him to be convincingly bad at this task.

The Brain got to work quickly, perusing the shelves for inspiration. According to their agreement, he would be able to leave at 5pm, which gave him 8 hours to etch out a plan that would be convincing enough that the Circle would pick it up, but flawed enough to fail, and of course to begin to determine his true course of action.

As he worked, his thoughts drift back to the morning news and those 3 children. They were an interesting case, that's for sure, and Pinky sure did seem to have an attachment to them. And yes, he supposed that they did have the space, what with the extra bedrooms. But still, the fact remained that in practice...well, he wasn't a very good father, now was he?

\-------------------------

Okay, he had to admit, ridiculously oversized though it may be, the iridescent indigo punch bowl set Pinky had ordered looked very nice in their kitchen. The Brain had spent his hours away from 'work' installing mobility aids around the house, making it more accommodating to their size. He'd ended up leaving the design aspects almost completely to Pinky, and while he was critical of the various tchotchkes his companion brought home from antique malls and gift shops, he couldn't deny that the house had taken on a more lived-in feel. More homey. It was nice.

He sipped coffee from a thimble, sitting on their new sofa and pondering. Intelligent and capable though he was, The Brain had to cede that there were just some things Pinky was better suited to than he. Reaching the top shelf, for one, but most relevant as of late, nurturing emotional bonds.

Yes, theoretically they _could_ take in those wayward strays. It would make Pinky very happy. But would it be good for them? Would they be able to provide a stable and appropriate environment for those kids, or would they just end up traumatizing them more? No, not 'they'. Pinky was an amazing parent, to include him in that 'what if' was doing him a great disservice. Would _he_ be able to provide for additional beings?

The only other life form he seemed to be able to coexist with was Pinky, and the Brain was uncertain if that was loyalty or stupidity. Perhaps both. Every other relationship he'd tried to cultivate had ended quite poorly, and entirely because of his own shortcomings. Heck, the only time he even heard from Roman Numeral One anymore was when Pinky accidentally read aloud letters and postcards that Brain was never supposed to know about.

"Gosh, Brain. You're thinking pretty loud over there- troz!" Pinky interrupted his spiral. "Getting any closer to our next big plan?"

"Perhaps." He said, staring into his cooling cup of coffee.

"Good. I was beginning to worry ya didn't want to take over the world with me anymore- narf! It has been such a long time."

"Yes, well, we have had a lot on our plates as of late."

"Well, why didn't you say something sooner? You don't hafta eat everything put in front of you, you know."

He opened his mouth to point out that he was speaking metaphorically, but closed it again, attention caught by another news story. Those kids had razed a portion of the studio to the ground again, and the newscaster was interviewing the Chairman of the Board about the matter. He was a short, balding man with a tired and frustrated air about him, shouting exasperated into the microphone about the children and the money they cost the studio on the regular.

_"This time, we're sealing those brats away for good! There's no way they're getting out of that tower in the next 20 years!"_

Brain cringed at the same time as the newscaster. That wasn't discipline, that was inhumane. His own childhood flashed before him in that moment; an unending series of cages, isolation, and invasive experiments. Well, that cinched it. Pinky would be winning this one as well. He hit the power button on the remote, shuddering as the screen faded to black

"Pinky, are you pondering what I'm pondering?"

"I think so, Brain." He said, nose screwed up in thought. "But isn't Disneyland a bit crowded this time of year?"

"No, Pinky- well, actually, yes it is- but no. We're going to take a trip to the Warner movie lot."

"Oh, I _love_ the movies!" Pinky squealed with delight. "Say, do you think we'll get to meet Mickey Rooney?"

"I doubt it."

Between this and the house, Brain was beginning to wonder if there was anything Pinky _couldn't_ secretly talk him into.


	4. Free to a Good Home

It did not matter _how_ Pinky and the Brain came to be in possession of a Station Wagon, it only mattered that they _had_ come into possession of one, though Brain had been quite pleasantly surprised to find that Pinky was capable of hotwiring a vehicle. They'd needed a mode of transportation that would be able to carry not only themselves, but 3 extra persons, groceries, and anything else Pinky decided to pick up and take home. Driving it was another challenge entirely, but they'd managed to make it to the movie lot without getting pulled over, so Brain considered it a success.

"Are we there yet?" Pinky whined from the floorboard, body laid against the break pedal to keep the car stopped.

"Yes Pinky, but I still need to-"

"Yippee!" Pinky jumped up, releasing the break pedal.

The Station Wagon immediately began to roll backwards, smashing directly into the vehicle behind them and denting its hood. Brain peeled himself from the steering wheel, wincing as he turned and caught sight of the car behind them.

"- put on the parking break." He pointlessly finished his sentence.

"Oops. Sorry, Brain."

"It's fine. Gas it again, we'll park somewhere else." He said decisively, before frantically remembering to tack on: "And don't let off the break until I tell you to this time!"

"Aye-aye, Brain! Narf!"

They finally managed to park, albeit a little farther away than Brain would've liked. Getting past security was as simple as joining a tour group. The Brain adjusted his sunglasses beneath his wide brimmed hat, certain that he and Pinky blended in quite well in their hawaiian shirts. He payed close attention to the tour map, trying to decide the best course of action. According to the internet, the Warner children- while technically belonging to the studio- were in the care of the lot's psychiatrist, so it only made sense to start there when it came to seeking custody.

"Ooooooh lookie here Brain! It's the fountain where they filmed the intro to Friends!!" Pinky declared excitedly, shaking his arm and pointing.

"Quiet, Pinky. I'm trying to figure out when we need to hop off this golf cart." He said, shaking him off. "Besides, doesn't that show take place in New York?"

".....TV is make believe, Brain. You do know that, right?"

He didn't grace that with a response, rolling his eyes and focusing on the map once again. Pinky continued to ooh and ah at the tour, until finally, they reached their stop.

"Aw...but Brain, they're about to show us the plane from Casablanca- zort!" Pinky said forlornly while Brain dragged him towards the psychiatrist's office.

"We aren't here for the tour. Besides, it's a phony. The real plane was merely a prop made from balsa wood."

"Oh. Well that would explain all that fog then- narf!"

Deciding that the doors were too heavy, Pinky helped shove Brain through the mail slot and then scrambled through behind him, both landing on the lineoleum floor with a barely audible plop. It was far from their first time sneaking into a facility through the mail slot, but it did feel a bit odd to be here on official business, walking up to the receptionist's desk like anyone else. Making sure to stand far enough back that the Nurse sitting there would be able to see them, the Brain cleared his throat.

"Oh, hello there!" She greeted, putting down the newspaper she had been reading. She leaned over the desk just a little to see them better. "Do you...er...have an appointment?"

"I'm afraid not." The Brain said, standing just a little straighter. "We're actually here to inquire about the Warner children."

"The Warners? Oh dear. What have they done this time?" There's no surprise in her voice, just sadness and defeat.

"Nothing as far as I'm aware, we're here to-"

"We wanna adopt them, and take them home, and be a big happy family!" Pinky interrupted, evidently unable to contain his excitement any longer. As if to emphasize his point, he threw his arms around Brain, tugging him close.

"- Yes, that." Brain finished, pushing one of Pinky's arms back towards him.

He let the one slung across his shoulders linger. It wouldn't hurt their chances to appear as an openly affectionate couple, after all. The Nurse looked at them with surprise, mouth slightly agape as her brain came to terms with what her ears were hearing.

"Y-you want to _adopt_ them?"

"Yes." Brain said with a curt nod.

"I-I'm not really sure where or how to begin that process for you, I'm sorry." the Nurse shook her head. "Let me fetch Dr. Scratchansniff for you. He might have a better idea."

The shock she was still reeling from was evident in the way her knees shook as she stood from the desk. She kept her composure until she thought she couldn't be seen, before immediately breaking into a sprint down the hall, calling for 'Otto'.

"Well that was a bit odd, eh Brain?" Pinky commented, staring after her.

"I suppose so."

However, with the research he'd done on the children, Brain was far less surprised by the Nurse's reaction. In all the years the toons had been in existence, they'd been notoriously rambunctious. It would only stand to reason that the studio employees had been driven a little insane, all things considered. Why was he agreeing to this again? Before he could talk himself out of this mess, another set of footsteps come thudding down the hall at a fast clip. A very frazzled bald man comes to a halt in front of them, frayed nerves blatantly obvious beneath his tense smile.

"Hello, I am Dr. Otto Scratchansniff. Very nice to be meeting you." He said in a thick german accent, extending a hand to shake.

"I'm the Brain, and this is my associate, Pinky" He introduced them, taking the psychiatrist by the index finger and shaking his hand. "We're here to inquire about the Warner children."

"Mein Gott. Heloise wasn't kidding." The Doctor said under his breath before continuing. "Y-yes, the uh. The Warner children. Well, they are a bit of a.... complicated case, you understand? Perhaps we should talk in my office."

"Yes, that would be ideal. Come, Pinky."

A short walk down the hall later, Pinky and the Brain found themselves sat upon a red velvet loveseat opposite Dr. Scratchansniff, a position that for some reason made the Brain very anxious. He shifted on his haunches uneasily, trying his best not to let that discomfort show.

"So, to begin, Mr. The Brain; you and your partner are aware of the erm...the reputation surrounding the Warners, no?"

"That they are a bunch of comedically talented nuisances who bring stress and misery upon every executive on this lot?"

"Oh! And the arson, Brain. Don't forget the arson, narf!"

"Oh yes, and the multiple counts of arson that no one can properly trace back to them. Thank you, Pinky. We've done our research, Dr. Scratchansniff, and quite frankly, we aren't frightened."

"Right. Er...well. You see, er. My concern is..." The psychiatrist's tone changes from chipper to something much more grave. He takes a deep breath, cleaning his glasses on his coat before continuing. "These kidses have been through a lot, and if somebody were to take them in and then change their minds, well... I don't know if they would recover."

"That's horrible!" Pinky balked. "Who on earth would do that to those poor sweet puppycatrabbit babies?!"

"What my associate _means_ to say-" Brain rolled his eyes "-is that we've put a lot of thought into this decision, and are confident that we can provide the children with the stability they so dearly need."

"Ja, it is easy to say that, but really, I insist you spend some one on one quality time with the kidses. You may change your minds." His voice is filled with trepidation as he hits a button on the intercom. "Hello, Nurse? Please send for the Warners."

\-------------------------

After maybe half an hour of conversation that the Brain was fairly certain was just an excuse to psychoanalyze Pinky and himself, there came a gentle knock at the door. The nurse ducked her head in cautiously.

"Dr. Scratchansniff? The Warners are here."

"Yes, thank you Heloise. Let them in, then. I want to get this over with before closing time."

"Yes, sir."

She opened the door wider and carried in a large wrapped gift box, setting it down in the middle of the floor. From within came the muffled sound of a tuning pipe, before the lid burst open.

"Hellooooooo-" The smallest Warner began in C major.

"-Helloooooooooo-" The middle one continued a half step higher.

"Helloooooooooooo nurse!" The eldest finished, jumping into the Nurse's arms and kissing her cheek.

Brain mentally added 'respecting personal boundaries' to the list of things they would have to teach these children while Pinky gleefully applauded their little barbershop trio. The Nurse, who looked rather accustomed to this by now, set the ringleader down in between his siblings, patting his head before leaving the room.

"What, that's it? No full musical number this time? No explosions?" Dr. Scratchansniff asked

"Well what do ya expect on such short notice, the trans-siberian orchestra?" Yakko said, crossing his arms over his chest.

"What did you want to see us for anyway? Our session isn't until Tuesday." Wakko whined, rubbing his eyes as though he'd just been disturbed from a nap.

"Oh, I think he just missed us." Dot suggested with a coy fluttering of her eyelashes.

"Actually, I have someone very special I would like to introduce you to." Dr. Scratchansniff says with a smile, turning the children's attention to the loveseat. "This is Mr. The Brain and his colleague, Mr. Pinky. They uh. They're interested in adopting you."

3 pairs of eyes are suddenly fixed upon them, taking notice of the mice for the first time since they'd arrived. As he stared back into wary black eyes, the reality of the situation hit him all at once. His knees felt weak. His palms were sweaty. He could feel his heart fluttering in his chest like a whole swarm of hummingbirds. Beside him, Pinky was unfazed by the gravity of the situation, still practically vibrating with excitement. In fact, if he hadn't been holding his hand, he was sure that the mouse would've been doing somersaults. Funny...he didn't remember taking Pinky's hand. He gave a nervous smile and a wave.

An uncomfortable silence stretches between them, the previously cheerful mood in the room replaced with trepidation. There were so many emotions flickering behind those wide eyes that seemed to stare into his soul, seeing his inadequacies. Finally, they all blinked at once.

"You.....you want to _adopt_ us?" Yakko asked quietly.

"Yes!" Pinky released his hand, jumping into the air with elation. "We're going to be your new Mummy and Daddy, and we'll take you to school, and hang your drawings on our refrigerator, and you can each have your own room, and oh! It's going to be lots of silly-willy fun, poit!"

"But you don't even know us!"

"Oh, well that's easy enough to fix. I'm Pinky, I like pretty knick nacks and chewing on tin foil- troz! And this is my friend Brain, he like big funny words and world domination- narf! Your turn!"

Yakko looked as though he were about to protest again, but before he could, Wakko spoke up.

"I'm Wakko, and I like chewing on tin foil too!" He exclaimed, tail wagging. He turned to Brain, head cocked to the side like a curious dog. "Can I call you 'Dadoo'?"

"Only if you stop chewing on tin foil." Brain said flatly, side-eyeing Pinky as he did so.

"Papa it is, then!"

Never one to be left out of the spotlight, Dot elbowed her brothers out of her way, pushing herself to the front. She curtsied politely, completely contradicting the violence displayed moments ago.

"And I'm Princess Angelina Contessa Louisa Francesca Banana Fanna Bo Besca III." She said so rapidly that it made Brain dizzy. "But you can call me Dot. _I_ like poetry.

"You're just darling! Can we call you 'Dottie'?" Pinky cooed.

"No. Call me 'Dottie', and ya die."

"Right, er. Dot it is then, poit!"

There's a charged silence in place of a third introduction, and everyone turns to look at Yakko expectantly. Truthfully, the Brain couldn't blame him for not charging full speed ahead into things. Not after all he'd been put through. Dot elbowed him in the shin, stirring him out of whatever thoughts he'd been thinking.

"Er.. I'm Yakko and I like geography." He said hesitantly.

Now would be a spectacular time to say something encouraging and win the boy over (or at least make himself seem less threatening). He had to get this right.

"Ha! Geography! What an exceedingly intellectual interest!" Brain says with a smile he hopes comes off as impressed and not creepy.

"Thanks?"

Aaaaand he'd missed his mark. Why was he so bad at this? The Brain had no delusions of Norman Rockwell-esque parenting models, but he'd at least thought he could pass as an 'Approachable, Down to Earth Guy.' Had he learned nothing from Roman Numeral One? Thankfully, Pinky saved them all from another awkward silence. 

"Great! Now we all know each other! So, Mr. Doctor Scratchansniff, when can we take them home?" He asked eagerly, bouncing on his toes on the edge of the loveseat.

"H...home?" Yakko squeaked, reaching out for his siblings' hands. It's quiet, and subtle, but the Brain picks up on it immediately.

"Pinky, don't be stupid. We can't just rip them out of their routine and shove them haphazardly into a new life." He scolded, thinking back to a small tin can in a meadow and a large wire trap.

"Your friend is right, Mr. Pinky. This is a big transition for all of you, and it would be better to ease into it, ja? Besides, I don't have any actual power of attorney for the kidses. I'm just their psychiatrist."

"Yeah, we're studio property, buster." Yakko said with his nose in the air, his relief shining through the biting attitude. "If you want us, you have to go aaaall the way to the top."

As if on cue, the intercom buzzed and the blonde nurse's voice filled the room.

"Dr. Scratchansniff? The Chairman of the Board is here to see you."

"Send him in." The psychiatrist rubbed his temples, clearly resigned to whatever was about to transpire.

The Brain's first impression of Thaddeus Plotz as he walked in the door of that psychiatrist's office, was that he looked a lot taller on tv. Not that he, at 3 inches high, had much room to judge, but the man seemed far too short to be as intimidating as he tried to be. The Chairman made his way directly towards Pinky and himself, ignoring everyone else in the room.

"You." He said, pointing at the mice. "You want the Warners?"

"Er....yes?" Brain said shakily, certain that whatever was about to transpire would be less than ideal.

"Take 'em. They're yours. I don't care what you do with them, just get these good for nothing kids off of my movie lot." Plotz emphasized his point by gripping all 3 children by the scruff of the neck and shoving them at the couple. Immediately Brain felt the urge to crawl up the man's pant leg and demonstrate how cleanly rodent teeth could cut through flesh. "And no take-backsies!"

"But sir! The kidses-"

"Should have never been let out of that damn water tower in the first place! Don't you ruin this with your cockamamie psychobabble! Those kids leave with these... mice...or I'll have your job!"

"It's alright. We'll take them." Brain said through gritted teeth. "Clearly anything would be better than spending another minute here with an ill tempered orangutan dictating their lives. Come, Pinky."

He's used to storming out of an establishment with Pinky in tow, but he's already halfway out the door before he remembers to add;

"And Yakko, Wakko, and Dot."

"Wait, don't we get to say goodbye to everyone?" Dot said frantically

"No." Plotz said firmly, shoving her along.

"Can we go get our stuff out of the water tower? That's where my snacks are!" Wakko pleaded, being shoved right behind his sister.

"I'll mail it to ya."

"Can we still see Dr. Scratchy?" Yakko asked, desperation in his voice.

"If I catch any of you on my lot again, I'll have you arrested for trespassing." Plotz went to slam the door, but it was caught halfway through.

Brain leaned his entire body against the door to keep it from slamming on them, glaring up at the studio executive with as much malice his little body could fit. Which was quite a lot.

"Do not threaten my children, Mr. Plotz. I have friends in very high places." He growled, before turning to the kind, tired psychiatrist. "We'll be in touch. Thank you, Doctor."

\--------------------------

The car ride is eerily silent, none of them quite sure what to make of the situation. What was supposed to be a joyous addition to their family- or at least a happy compromise for Pinky- had ended in more stress and trauma than he could've begun to predict. Not even Pinky had a 'narf' or a 'zort' to spare. Stopped at a red light, an idea strikes the Brain.

"Do uhm....do you kids want McDonald's?" He offered. "I know none of this has been quite the way any of us expected, but it _is_ a special occasion."

Wakko's ears perked up at the mention of food, but the other two continued to stare listlessly out the window. Fast food was an empty consolation when it came to being thoughtlessly uprooted, but it was what Brain had to offer at the moment, so he pulled into the drive through anyway.

"Happy meals all around?" He suggested, garnering scattered nods from his passengers.

"Uhm. Brain? Can I have a happy meal, too?" Pinky asked from the break pedal.

"Yes, Pinky. Just don't eat the cardboard this time."

He picked up their food and drove them back to their home, his feelings of inadequacy doubling at the realization that their first meal as a 'family' was going to be McDonald's and not something lovingly prepared by Pinky or himself. Though, considering his domestic shortcomings and Pinky's recipe collection, maybe this was for the best.

The silence stretched on as they ate, broken only by the sounds of Pinky gnawing absentmindedly on the cardboard happy meal box. To his credit, he didn't appear to be consuming chunks of it this time. Brain cleared his throat.

"Your um. Your bedrooms are still pretty sparse. In fact, we haven't even had a chance to put beds in them." He admitted. "But the weekend is far from over. Tomorrow we can all go pick some things out."

"Oh I love shopping!!!" Pinky announced, poking his head out of the hole he'd created in the happy meal box. "And we can fit so many more pretty shinies now that we've got the big car- zort!"

"Pinky, if you bring home so much as one more commemorative dish, I shall have to use it as a frisbee."

"Ooooh, well don't threaten me with a good time, narf!" Pinky giggled.

"...Can we paint my room pink?" Dot asked, speaking for the first time since they left the movie lot.

"Oh yes!!" Pinky declared, trying to squeeze the rest of his body out through the hole in the box. "I tried to paint our bedroom pink, but Brain said 'only as an accent wall'."

"CAN MINE HAVE THOSE GLOW IN THE DARK STARS ON THE CEILING???" Wakko added on excitedly, standing in his chair.

"Yes! Altough sticking them up there might be hard- zort!"

As Pinky and the younger kids brainstormed bedroom designs, the Brain watched Yakko pick halfheartedly at his food. He really hadn't meant to displace them so suddenly, as evidenced by the barren bedrooms and general lack of preparedness, and while it wasn't exactly his fault, he couldn't help but feel a little guilty over the whole situation. The Brain strode across the table to where the eldest Warner sat, staring into his ketchup like it was the most interesting thing in the world.

"Yakko, I need your help with the sleeper sofa in the living room." He declared. "I'd prepare it myself, but it's at least 10 times my size."

"Wuh?" He blinked a few times, coming out of whatever trance he'd just been in. "Oh, yeah, sure. Gee, it must be hard being so dinky."

"You have no idea." Brain said flatly, sliding down the leg of the table and onto the laminate flooring.

While Yakko moved the cushions aside and pulled the bed out of the couch, the Brain dug through the linen closet for the sheets he knew they'd purchased for that bad. This wasn't how this was supposed to be at all. They were supposed to be _ready_ for these children this time! With bedrooms prepared at the very least, not setting them up on the couch in the living room. Finding the box at long last, he drug the sheet set out of the closet.

"Uuhhhhhhh....do you need help with that?" Yakko asked, watching him struggle under the weight of the queen sized sheet set.

"No." Brain grunted dragging the sheets to the edge of the couch. "Just the 'putting the sheets on the bed' part."

Yakko grabbed the box from him, unfolding its contents and beginning to make the bed while Brain supervised from the arm of the couch.

"I'm sorry about today." He sighed, feeling his ears droop. "It wasn't how I'd planned it at all. But, then again, my plans hardly ever succeed anyway."

"It's fine." Yakko shrugged sitting on the edge of the bed. "You heard Plotz. He was practically frothing at the mouth after the whole thing on stage 4 earlier this week. It was bound to happen eventually."

"Still...." He trailed off, unable to find the words to say to convey everything he felt. To comfort his new son. A beat of silence passes before he speaks again. "It's getting late. I suppose we should round up the others before they get themselves too excited to sleep."

"Yeah, Wakko's the worst about that. Get him too worked up about something before bed and he spends the whole night thinking about it instead of sleeping. He's an absolute nightmare on Christmas Eve."

"Noted." Brain said with a shudder. "By the way, I will be contacting your therapist in the morning. I can't do much else about the situation, I'm afraid, but with any luck, I can arrange something with the fellow so that you don't have to start all over with a new doctor."

"Thanks, _Dadoo_." Yakko said teasingly.

The fact that he was being sarcastic wasn't lost on the Brain, but it was relieving nonetheless to see a bit of humor in the teen instead of the vacant silence he had been met with all evening.

"Don't thank me. It's purely selfish. I just don't want to look for a new psychiatrist for you gremlins." He said defensively, the slightest hint of a grin on his face.

"Oh, yes of course. Pardon me for assuming."

Yes! This was good! They were _bonding!_ At least, he was pretty sure this was what bonding was supposed to be like. Nevertheless, Yakko seemed to have calmed slightly, and the Brain finally had someone under his roof who understood sarcasm, so he'd take it as a victory nonetheless. Were things going to plan? Not in the slightest. Had he and Pinky been indirectly responsible for traumatizing their already traumatized adopted children? Yes absolutely. But perhaps the situation was not beyond saving just yet. Perhaps the 5 of them could still somehow make this work.


	5. Let's Play House

The Brain woke to the familiar sensation of being crushed. His first oxygen-deprived, sleepy thought was that Pinky had rolled over on top of him again, but whatever was perched upon his back was much heavier. He squeezed himself out from under the weight, emerging on the other side of their twin sized mattress with a gasp.

Yakko stretched to fill the space, and Brain quickly realized that what had been slowly smothering him was a clumsy pile of Warners. Pinky was perched right atop Dot, curled up in a tight ball, drifting somewhere between sleep and wakefulness from the lack of snoring.

"What exactly is going on here?" Brain said just loud enough for Pinky to hear.

"Shhh." Pinky shushed him, cracking one eye open. "The kids are asleep."

"I can see that, but why are they here?"

"Wakko had a nightmare, Dot was cold, and I don't remember Yakko crawling into bed, but I imagine he just felt left out."

"And you just let them all sleep here, knowing full well there's not enough room for a family of five in a twin sized bed?"

"Yep." Pinky replied, popping his 'p'. "It's what mummies are for. 'sides, there's plenty of room, if you build up. Poit."

Brain looked groggily at the alarm clock on the nightstand. It was 8 in the morning. He might as well get up and let everyone else sleep in. Perhaps he'd try his hand at pancakes again, now that he didn't have to add foul tasting mind control serum. Yes, that would be nice. He could play homemaker just as well as Pinky could.

Pinky's apron was much too large on him, and he'd had to tuck the excess into the waistband to avoid tripping and falling into the batter. He may have burned a few in the beginning, but overall the breakfast experiment was turning into quite the success, having produced a teetering tower of full sized hotcakes. He stood back to admire his work, accidentally rubbing butter and flour into his fur in the process. But before he could begin the process of waking the household for breakfast, the phone rang.

Brain scampered across the countertop to the ancient avocado green landline that he hadn't known was functional until that very moment. He pulled the cord, sending the receiver clattering to the countertop.

"ACME labs, you're speaking to the Brain." He said reflexively, before realizing that that was no longer correct.

_"Yeesh, Dad. You've been out of the lab for this long and you still answer the phone like that?"_

"Roman Numeral One?"

 _"Ugh"_ he groaned over the phone _"Come_ on, _Dad, how many times do I have to tell you to call me 'Romy'?"_

"May I....meet you in the middle and refer to you as 'Roman'?" Brain asked, cringing quietly.

 _"I guess. It's better than 'Roman Numeral One' anyway."_ Roman sighed. _"Is Mom there?"_

"Er. No, he's still asleep. May I take a message for you?"

_"Nah, I just wanted to know when you guys thought the adoption would go through. Mom told me he wanted to have the whole family together, and I need to know about when that's gonna be so Bunny and I can plan out our shows."_

"Oh yes. Are you still pursuing Ventriloquism, then?" Brain asked, already knowing the answer, but elated to be having a real conversation with Roman.

_"Yeah, kinda? I mastered it pretty quickly and now I have a comedy act where I throw my voice and- you know what, you probably don't care, I'll spare you the details. So. Adoption? When?"_

"Oh yes... About that..." Brain's ears drooped of their own accord. "Things didn't go exactly to plan-"

 _"That's too bad. I can't imagine why they wouldn't let you two adopt children."_ Roman said sarcastically.

Okay he deserved that, but Pinky certainly didn't. Brain summoned up a great deal of self control to keep himself from shouting.

"Actually, quite the opposite. It seemed the studio was a bit over eager to get rid of the children. All we did was express interest and they sent all 3 of them home with us." He bit his tongue to keep from calling his son an ungreatful whelp. He'd dug his own hole in regards to his relationship with Roman, and allowing himself to lose his temper would be equivalent to picking up a pickaxe.

 _"Glarb!"_ Roman exclaimed incredulously. _"They gave them to you just like that? No questions asked?"_

"Yes. Believe it or not, I'm just as surprised as you are. Anyway, I'm not certain what our time table is going to look like for a 'family get together'. Our priorities at the moment are trying to get them settled in without any further trauma."

_"Gosh.... yeah. Just uh. Just tell Mom to call me back whenever you guys are ready. Talk to you later, Dad."_

"Yes. Goodbye, Roman Nu- uh, Roman."

The Brain tapped the button to hang up and stared into space for a moment. He'd wanted to say more. To ask about his career, or about that Bunny girl who he knew from those letters he wasn't supposed to read that Roman intended on marrying, to prove somehow that he did care. But he hadn't asked. He just...let him go. A hand appeared on his shoulder, bringing him out of his thoughts.

"Brain? Are you alright? Who was that on the phone?"

"I'm fine. Roman Numer- _Roman_ wants to know about your plans for a get together."

"Oh, we won't be able to do that for a little while yet, narf!"

"Who's Roman?"

Brain turned, realizing that at some point all threechildren had shuffled into the room and were seated at the table in various states of consciousness.

"Who cares? I want pancakes!" Wakko whined, still rubbing the sleep from his eyes.

Oh right. He'd cooked breakfast. The effort seemed almost meaningless after the reminder that he was a disappointment of a mouse who was incapable of creating meaningful emotional bonds with anyone, including his own flesh and blood and scientific ingenuity. He grabbed his spatula and began plating pancakes.

"Roman is your older brother." He explained, passing the plates to Pinky, who placed them front of the kids.

"No, Yakko is our older brother." Wakko tilted his head in confusion, gesturing to the teen who had fallen back asleep with his face pressed into the table.

"He means they have a son, dummy." Dot rolled her eyes. "Just what I needed. Another brother."

"Aw, Romy's not so bad. I'm sure the four of you will get along just fine- narf!" Pinky said with a smile, and Brain had to agree.

"Does this diner serve coffee?" Yakko interjected, half asleep and fully incoherent.

"Aren't you a little young to be caffeine dependant?" Brain raised a brow, looking between the coffee pot and his son.

"Aren't you a little mouthy for a waitress?"

"The coffee pot is in the corner, help yourself." Brain ceded, rolling his eyes, saving the discussion of addiction for another time when Yakko was fully cognizant.

Yakko hobbled across the kitchen, mumbling about the terrible service as he tried to locate the coffee pot. Pinky handed him a mug, a sugar cube, and one of the restaurant style half and half containers Brain bought for convenience's sake. Truthfully, niether he nor Pinky had any room to judge when it came to caffeine addiction, though they had cut back a bit from their lab days.

While his family tucked in to pancakes, Brain rubbed his temples, trying not to think too hard about the son he'd let down. About the three new children he might let down just as badly. About the partner who looked at him like he hung the moon despite... everything. He sat down on the counter and took just a bit of comfort in the fact that even if he were to fail in every other way, at least he could make pancakes.

Pinky came to sit beside him, forcing a plate (rescued from a children's tea set) into his hands, demonstrating once again his ability to detect even the slightest change in Brain's mood.

"Eat." He insisted.

"I'm not hungry."

"Yes, not now, maybe, but you will be, and then you'll be grouchy. So eat- poit!"

Brain sighed before resigning himself to enjoy the fruits of his labor. Pinky smiled a satisfied smile, regarding him with all that fondness he never deserved, but would take anyway. Suddenly, his eyes focused on a singular spot on Brain's head.

"Oh, you've got butter on your noggin, silly-willy!" He giggled before declaring; "Don't worry, I'll get it."

"Wait, Pinky, no-"

But it was too late. Pinky leaned forward and licked the butter from his fur, grooming him as though they were feral animals instead of refined, genetically enhanced organisms. He cringed, shoving Pinky off of him forcefully.

"Eugh! You are an absolutely repugnant creature and I cannot believe I have elected to share a domicile with you!"

"Aw, I love you too, Brain." Pinky said earnestly, though Brain had a sneaking suspicion that he completely understood the meaning behind his words.

"I hate to interrupt this.... touching moment, but are we going shopping or am I gonna have to sleep on top of Wakko again?" Dot asked, politely pushing herself away from the table.

"You should try sleeping _under_ him some time! He _drools_ " Yakko groaned into his coffee mug.

"I'm not in a rush. I slept fine." Wakko shrugged, stealing a pancake from Yakko's plate.

The other two glared at him, causing a temperature shift in the room and a sense of dread, not unlike when the sky goes sickly green and everything quiets down just before a tornado. Before the storm could hit, Brain carefully inserted himself in the middle of the table, knowing full well he couldn't stop them if they chose to pounce, but hoping that the idea of mauling him in the process might deter them a moment longer.

"Settle down, I'm taking you kids out in public and if you're beaten black and blue, someone's going to call child protective services on me." He said flatly before turning to the other child, who was cowering behind him now, looking at his siblings with an innocent expression the Brain knew to be a facade. "Wakko, why don't you help Pinky clean up in here while Yakko and Dot....do something productive that doesn't involve attempted fratricide."

The atmosphere calmed slightly, and Dot shot them both a glare before she shuffled out of the room with her nose in the air, Yakko following behind her, coffee mug in hand and an equally sour look on his face. Were all siblings this volatile, or was it just a 'toon thing? Maybe even just a 'Warners' thing? He'd have to do more research, if he ever found the time. Behind him, Wakko let out a sigh of relief.

"Boy, I thought I was a goner! Thanks Dadoo." He said, wrapping the Brain in a sudden, crushing embrace.

"Dishes. Now." He croaked as loud as he could with the air leaving his lungs and the blue sweater burying his face.

"Righty-O!"

Wakko dropped him carelessly back onto the table, immediately rushing off to do the task he was assigned and leaving the Brain to hurtle through the air for a moment before landing with a thump at Pinky's feet. Who would've guessed the months spent as Elmyra's pet were just training for having Wakko as a son? Pinky patted him on the head gently, prompting him to open his eyes.

"See Brain? I told ya everything would work out all happy-like, Narf!" He declared, appearing upside down and fuzzy in Brain's vision, but happy nonetheless.

"So you did."

\-------------------------

When leaving the Warner Movie Lot, the children had piled into the car so nicely. So quietly. Without fuss or complaint. Evidently, that had been on account of the situation, and was not the norm, as it took a half hour of arguing over who really called the front seat to get them in this time. By the time they'd made it to the store parking lot, Brain was experiencing the beginnings of a migraine.

"That's it! If you all cannot stop fighting long enough to let us park, then you are forbidden from speaking another word!" He declared, loud enough to be heard over the din of Yakko and Wakko arguing over whether or not the younger was kicking the seat.

There was a full beat of blissful silence in which the Brain thought he'd actually made some measure of peace, before Wakko broke it.

"Gooses." He said, arms crossed defiantly.

"Wakko! He said 'not a word'." Dot hissed quietly, her tiny fangs bared.

" 's not a word. You and Yakko _both_ told me that last week when he was trying to write that song."

Patience withering, Brain jerked the wheel, sending the station wagon spinning till it came to a halt, perfectly parallel parked between a van and a sedan. The brakes squealed as Pinky threw his body weight against them in a panic, eyes closed in anticipation of a crash that never came. Brain pushed the emergency brakes and turned the car off as though he hadn't just done his best impression of Jim Carrey in those dreadful pet detective films. Yakko sat beside him, holding the center console and the door handle for dear life, while Dot and Wakko embraced each other in the back seat, all three looking as though their lives had flashed before their eyes.

"I apologise for the scare, children. I was distracted by your incessant quarreling and failed to notice a small animal in the road." He lied, savoring the terror induced quiet. "But look! We've miraculously arrived safely in a parking space near the door."

"What sort of animal was it, Brain?" Pinky asked, scrambling up the seat to see. "Was it a bunny rabbit? Oh please say it wasn't! I've a friend who is a bunny rabbit and she'd be ever so cross with me if we hit one! _Egad!_ She might even stop going to tea with me!"

"No, Pinky, it wasn't a rabbit. It was a..." Oh dear. He hadn't thought the lie through this far. "Uhm...it was-"

"A squirrel." Yakko finished for him. "I uhhhh got a better look at it once the car stopped."

"Oh, well that's alright then, troz!" Pinky nodded. "Let's go shopping!"

The other three unloaded, talking excitedly once more anout what they'd planned to buy and if they'd remembered the shopping list, the fright of moments ago lost amid the planning. In the front seat however, the Brain studied his second eldest. He knew he was 'the smart one', but apparently he'd misjudged how smart, although the teenage hubris was glaringly apparent in the smug look he was giving him.

"You owe me." He declared, unbuckling his seatbelt.

"Very well." Brain ceeded. "What sort of repayment did you have in mind?"

" **Never.** Use fear tactics against my siblings again, capisce?"

There was a glint in his eyes and a growl in his voice that was almost primal, despite the composure in his cadence. It was the sort of fierce, animalistic protectiveness that one would expect from a mother bear, and not from a 15 year old aspiring comedian. The sort of noise that made Brain's heart rate speed up on an instinctual level, and made him fight to keep his ears in their proper, perked up position.

"...Alright, deal." He said slowly.

He'd barely had time to reply before Dot was yanking the passenger door open and tugging on her older brother's arm.

"C'mon slowpokes!! You're gonna get left behind!"

"Alright, I'm comin'" Yakko smiled, and you would have never known him capable of the ferocity he'd just displayed. "Yeesh, can't a guy have a talk with his new 'dadoo' in peace?"

The biting sarcasm that still adorned the title seemed even more bitter, and Brain winced before scurrying across the center console and out the passenger seat behind him. He'd been given the distinct impression that in Yakko's eyes, he was _allowing_ Brain and Pinky to play at parenting them, and that beneath the playacting, he was still fully in control and responsible for the younger two. The most worrying part, however, was that there was probably a truth to that. Brain never was quite comfortable with a lack of control. Deep in thought, Brain lagged behind his family as they approached the building.

"OOOH! I've never been to an Ikea before!" Wakko exclaimed.

"You still haven't." Dot pointed out flatly. "That sign says 'iBea'."

"Guess they couldn't get the rights." Yakko finished, winking to an invisible audience.

"Brain?" Pinky whispered, concern in his voice. "Is that normal?"

"I think it's some sort of coping mechanism, Pinky." He responded absently, still distracted by his own thoughts. He really must remember to call that psychiatrist.

It took the lot of them less than 10 minutes to get completely lost. Between Pinky trying to sneak more dinnerware into their cart, Wakko taking a bite out of every styrofoam fruit he came across 'Just to make sure', and Dot's overly critical eye scrutinizing every furniture display they came across, the Brain was longing for the sweet, simple walls of ACME labs once more.

"Dot, _please_ select a bedframe. Your brothers have both made their choices, and I would like to get out of the store before it closes." He sighed.

"It's an _important_ decision, Dadoo!" She insisted. "One that could affect the course of my entire young life!"

He turned over his shoulder looking to where Pinky was looking at another set of plates they didn't need and hissed quietly, but no less irritated;

"Pinky. Help me."

"Hmn?" Pinky's ears perked up, slowly catching up to the situation as he put the plate down. "Oh, Dot dearie, go with the white frame. It'll compliment that wallpaper you liked. Poit"

She contemplated it for a moment, tapping her foot as she thought.

"Okay! But only if we can get the canopy to go over top of it."

"Yes. Anything to speed this along. And no more dishes, Pinky."

"Aw, but Brain!"

"No 'buts'! This shopping trip is for the kids."

"You're right. Just the bedroom stuff, then, narf." Pinky sighed forlornly, stepping away from the display and back onto the handle of the shopping trip.

Brain marked the bed frame off on the list, wondering silently how they were going to get the stuff home. Perhaps they had delivery options? Oh, and then there was the matter of building it. Where was he going to find time for that? These three were already proving to be a full time job. Maybe this whole thing was a mistake, and he ought to have doubled down on his world domination efforts instead of moving mountains to get them out of Elmyra's bedroom. He wasn't doing any good as a father anyway. He didn't know why he thought he would, Roman could've told him that much.

"Dadoo?"

Wakko's voice interrupted his stress induced spiral, looking up at him with earnest, expectant eyes.

"Can we get meatballs? I'm hungry."

"Oooh! I love meatballs!" Pinky chipped in.

"Yeah, I'm hungry too." Dot added, sneaking a small fake succulent into the basket.

Before he knew it, all 4 sets of eyes were fixed upon him, begging like stray dogs. It was almost silly enough to get him to crack a smile. Almost, but not quite. Instead, he pretended to contemplate a moment, before giving the obvious answer.

"Well, I suppose we might as well." He shrugged, pretending that he wasn't hungry himself. "It is on the way out, after all."

The cheering that erupted was loud and exuberant, and he knew for a fact that every eye in the vicinity was fixed to them. And then there were arms wrapping around him- first Pinky, then Dot, then Wakko- crushing him with their affection. Perhaps after the year he's had, he ought to change his title from "Aspiring World Leader" to "Full Time Stress Toy".

\-------------------------

Finally, _finally_ they made it home. The ride back was not nearly so fraught with discord, though whether that was due to sated hunger or a newly introduced fear of distracting the drivers, he couldn't rightly say. By the time they pulled into the driveway, the sun had long since set, and Wakko and Dot had fallen asleep on one another in the backseat.

"Well would you look at that." Pinky smiled, crawling up from the floorboard. "Sleeping like two little pickles in a jar, they are, poit!"

"I-.....Yeah sure." Brain sighed, ditching the attempt to understand Pinky's metaphors. "We're going to have to wake them. They can't spend the night in the car."

"But Brain! They're so sweet and peaceful!"

"I got it, guys." Yakko said abruptly, stepping out of the car.

Brain watched him open the back doors and lift both of his siblings from the car, scooping Dot up in his arms and throwing Wakko over his shoulder like a sack of potatoes. He walked in the front door like a seasoned professional, carrying them off to bed the way Brain realized he must have been doing for years. The sinking, hopeless feeling of inadequacy returned as Yakko shut the front door, not even thinking to hold it open for them. He recalls their earlier conversation and the inferences he'd made, and conceded that Yakko was very much still the primary parent. Of course, it had been foolish to assume that they could all just play happy families straightaway, after all the kids had been through, but something in the back of his mind insisted that he was so poor a parent that his own son had to step up to the plate for him. One could only imagine how quickly things would deteriorate come Monday, when he had to go back to his '9-5'. A hand appeared on his shoulder, drawing his attention away from the darkened porch.

"Are you alright, Brain?" Pinky asked softly.

"Yes." He answered slowly, knowing full well he sounded unconvincing, but unable to muster the effort to correct himself.

Pinky didn't debate with him. He just wrapped his arm around Brain's shoulders and pulled him close, kissing the top of his head as if to shelter him from his own thoughts. In fact, it had only diverted them. Now he was concerned with the mouse around him, so very important to him and yet... so very taken for granted.

"Pinky?"

"Yes, Brain?"

"Are you.. Are you happy? Are you content like this?"

Pinky thought for a moment, and Brain could imagine the sound of grinding, rusted gears turning as he did so.

"Yeah, I think I am." He said decisively. "I've got 4 wonderful children, a great big house, and the bestest, kindest, most wonderful best friend in the whole wide world- troz! What more could a mouse ask for? Oh, except for maybe more dinnerware, narf."

"We do _not_ need any more dinnerware, Pinky."

"Speak for yourself." Pinky scoffed. "What about you, Brain? Are you happy?"

"I-"

He stopped, opened his mouth to say something, and stopped again. Was he happy? Had he _ever_ been happy? As far as he could remember, his life had been lived from one trauma to the next. He had always lived on the defensive, preparing for the next one. Happiness was never on his radar. Well, no. That wasn't exactly true. It might have been, at one point, but ever since the quacks at ACME Labs had placed another mouse in his cage, happiness began to register more and more. Tiny little blips in an endless stream of nothing. Pinky made him frustrated. Pinky made him confused. But above all else, Pinky made him happy, and he knew that his life would be so much poorer without him and his insanity that seemed to harmonize perfectly with The Brain's own.

"Yes, Pinky. I do believe I am."

"Good. I like it when you're happy, Brain."

Brain didn't know how to respond to that, so he simply didn't. He let Pinky hold him a while longer, thinking on the children once again. He really ought to try to schedule something with that shrink again. He didn't know if the session they'd had prior to being uprooted were helping the Warners, but he was sure that something familiar would. Perhaps he could even sneak into the man's office and look at his notes on the children. Surely Dr. Scratchansniff was too respectable to breach patient confidentiality, and it would make his life so much easier to have a cheat sheet. Specifically when it came to Yakko. The younger two he could probably pry information out of, but the elder had made it very clear that he wasn't gonna talk.

"Uhm, Brain?"

"What is it, Pinky?"

"You know that _we_ can't spend the whole night in the car either, right?"

"I suppose." He sighed

"C'mon, sillyhead." Pinky smiled, opening the car door. "When we get inside, I'll scratch that place you can never reach for you, if you want- narf!"

He looked up at his friend- bathed in moonlight, perched upon the handle of the door, and looking back at him with such affection that he could hardly stand it- and he smiled back, hopping out of the car and onto the concrete.

"Yes, I think I'd like that very much. Thank you, Pinky."


End file.
